Talking to Her Shoulder Pirate
by mypiratecat1
Summary: Silly little one shot about a fan fiction author who needs some help past some insecurity issues! Starring meself and Captain Jack Sparrow!


_**Disclaimer: **None of the characters belong to me... and I wonder if Terry and Ted ever had writer's block._

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"Wot th' hell is th' matter wif you?" the rum husky voice was exasperating her to death, as he had been sitting upon her shoulder, swinging from her hair and singing off key all evening. Pirate Cat resisted the urge to flick him across the room like an annoying little mosquito, but resisted when she looked down at his handsome, dark little face.

"YOU are what the hell is the matter with me, that's what, Jack," Pirate Cat frowned darkly at her shoulder pirate, who was now staring up at her with those lovely brown eyes that always made her melt into a middle aged puddle... that annoyed her, too... a fan girl at her age. "You drive me daft, Captain Sparrow. You sit there and drink from your tiny little bottle of rum and don't do a thing to help me with writer's block or my feelings of insecurity."

"Not my fault, lass," was the reply, as the itty bitty little pirate hopped down from his perch, every bead and trinket that was loose upon his tiny person jingling like sleigh bells... "Not my fault that ye can't write wot th' prevailin' wind brings yer way on this website, which is Sparrabeth, an' tha' ye right me softer 'n' most... not that it's wrong, mate." The diminutive captain sauntered over the laptop's keyboard, tripping over the space bar and producing a very long xxxxxxxxxxxxccccccccczzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzxxxxxxxxxvvvvvvvvvvvvbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb across the screen... "Ow. Oi!"

"Dammit, Jack, you're worse than one of my real cats!" Pirate Cat picked him up by his coat collar, as the tiny pirate howled in protest, "BUGGER! MUTINY!" as he kicked his booted feet, and swung a sloppily drawn sword at the air all around him... he threatened to slice off several braids. Pirate Cat dangled him in front of her face, blowing auburn hair out of her eyes, glowering at him. "Why do you have to be so damned complicated? Why can't I write you as mean and selfish and ..."

Hanging there indignantly, Jack pouted at her and said, "... because everyone sees me differently, lass. I AM complicated...Some writers see me as one dimensional. Only funny and detached, wif no feelin' for anyone but meself... which we both know really isn't true." The tiny pirate thought it over as he dangled from Pirate Cat's fingers, "... I go around havin' a ton of adventures with self inserted teenagers who fall onto th' deck o' th' Pearl through closets, time portals an' television screens. I am written a cold hearted womanizer who has begotten a thousand long-lost children in these fanfiction stories. I am written as a 'orrible bastard, who jus' goes around betrayin' friends an' always after me own gain..."

Trying to look dignified, as he hung from her fingers, he continued, "I must say, Pirate Cat, tha' ye manage t' write me as a hero nearly all th' time...wif a heart, an' a conscience. Must thank ye for tha' one, lass. I sometimes mean well...once in a while?" He looked up at her, appealingly.

Pirate Cat put her small pirate down next to her keyboard, and sighed deeply, as he resheathed his sword. Looking up at her, he tilted his head to one side and said, "Wot's really wrong, love?"

Putting her chin in her hands, she looked at him, thoughtfully, and asked, "Why am I so insecure, sometimes, Jack? I love you and Will so much, and try so hard to show the Pirates characters as REAL people in a surreal, supernatural world, but others don't always see you the way that I do in Pirate Cat's Universe. I sometimes think that I'm all wrong about you... my flawed little hero." She smiled at him, as he drew himself up and spread his hands out, a grin tinged with gold shining up at her.

"Yer _not_ wrong, love... but yer afraid tha' ye write me 'out o' character', aren't ye?"

"Yeah, I guess... I prefer to think of you as a grown up child, Locker-scrambled brain, and all... like I said, more flawed than terrible..."

"Well, no worries. Everyone looks at me an' William, Elizabeth - all of us - differently. Some are more right than others about us, but all are tryin' t' be creative, tha's all... Your steady, loyal readers think tha' ye do alright, don't they?" Jack leaned back at the hips, swaying slightly, his hands draped over the hilt of his sword.

"Well, I get a lot of reviews from readers who like a Jack who is really rather sweet under the surface and who delights more in causing more mischief than harm, I guess... and there are readers who appreciate my efforts to paint word pictures...", Pirate Cat reasoned, "We can't all write the same way... but sometimes I feel so inadequate! "

"Well," the small Jack said, lightly, "... maybe you should take a break from writin', love... they're jus' stories... come on, let's put on somethin' t' watch..."

Frowning, again, Pirate Cat grumped, "Why can't I write you as selfish... that's what you're supposed to be..."

Jack shrugged, and said, "I keep tellin' ye, it's all in th' eye o' th' beholder... ye don't see me that way, since th' Locker... Ye see me as a confused hero wif an fried brain wot needs lookin' after... tha's it in a peanut shell, lass..."

He jumped on a button of the remote control, then happily said, "Ooooh, look, Pirate Cat! One o' our favorites... 'Pirates o' th' Caribbean; At World's End'! Starrin' tha' bloke tha' ye love so much, Johnny Depp, as me! Not as good lookin' as meself, but a bloody good actor, savvy? At least it's not 'Dead Man's Chest'... I never liked tha' one."

"Me, neither." Pirate Cat sighed, as she tucked her little shoulder pirate under the collar of her sweatshirt... "... you were portrayed as too selfish..."

"... see wot I mean? It's all in how ye look at us... " Jack popped the cork on his tiny little bottle of rum, and settled in... "Oh!" Looking up at the shelf and all of the Pirates action figures, he yelled, "William! Get down here! Ye're about t' pop outta th' water at Sao Feng's bathhouse! Bloody good actor, too, tha' Orlando Bloom... better lookin' than you, too!"

Pirate Cat rolled her eyes... maybe he was right... it was all in perception... and maybe she was really being too hard on herself...looking down at the excited little figure who was becoming a bit agitated at the television, she said, affectionately, "Settle down, Jack... your friends will rescue you from the Locker... they always do... they always will... _ I_ always will..."

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End file.
